Because of you
by Krystal Myst
Summary: Ryou and Bakura have had a difficult relationship for a while so what happens when Ryou gets sick of it? R
1. Default Chapter

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A/N: Well, here is a song ficcie I have been working on and I hope you like it! It's just a one timer so unless I have a genius idea some day, I won't be writing a sequel.

[ lyrics ]

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// Bakura to Ryou //

/ Ryou to Bakura /

****

Because of You

Ryou's POV

[ Hands on the mirror

Can't get much clearer

Can't make this all go away ]

I supported my body by leaning against the bathroom mirror. The silver blade reflected a menacing light into my eyes. This has to be it, this has to be the only way. I just can't live the pain anymore.

[ Now that you're bleeding

You stare at the ceiling

And watch as it all fades away

From what you do, because of you ]

An ache at the back of my head reminded me of how it went last time. But I had my own little reminder that this won't end like it did before.

My knees gave out and I slid to the floor ontop of the carpet with a muffled thump. My mind swirled with thoughts as the ceiling gradually darkened. I wonder if I locked the door. I think I did. It's the only assurance I have that I have succeeded.

****

Bakura's POV

As soon as I sat down at the barstools with my usual group, I felt a piercing pain shoot right to my heart. My first reaction was dread. Not again, I pleaded to myself. But then again, Ryou was probably just taunting me. He hates when I come here.

And again, the pain came back even harder. Is he serious? _// Ryou? //_

/ ----- go away ----- / he replied, without any life to his voice.

_// RYOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! //_

/ --- just leave me like you always do --- don't come back until you're sober --- don't hit me --- / he replied deliriously.

Oh Ra, no. "Shit!" I exclaimed, running out of the bar. I'll explain to them later. Right now, I have an emergency to take care of. _// Ryou, don't do this! You need to listen to me! //_

/ -------- /

// RYOU! DON'T DO IT! I NEED YOU! // The second time I got no answer, I panicked. I'm not overprotective with Ryou, but he doesn't understand that what he's doing in spite of me is going to kill him! Why can't he see that?

Busting through the door, I reached for the phone and called the police as I ran around the house looking for Ryou. As soon as I told them I needed an ambulance, I hung up. I don't need to waste my time with those ignorant mortals.

Of course the bathroom door was locked, but that's no match for a paper clip. Stumbling to my desk, I found a paper clip and began to pick the lock. Baka Ryou, why are you doing this to me, to yourself?

My slipped and the paper clip fell.

"Damnit Ryou! Open up!" I screamed. My hands frantically searched he ground for a paper clip but it was nowhere to be found. My blood boiling with horrid anticipation didn't help my concentration any either. 

Giving up on the disappearing paper clip, I released my frustration on the door. Much to my surprise, the door opened, taking only a small portion of the doorframe with it. But my fame from my accomplishment was short lived as what was behind the door was exactly what I had dreaded; the worst-case scenario.

I ran over to Ryou and dropped to my knees as I brushed his hair away from his face. He was unconscious from the blood he lost that he was currently laying in. 

[ You know I can't be there

Each time that you call

I swore not to come

But I'm here after all ]

I shakily stood up with Ryou's limp body in my arms. Multiple knocks at the door brought me to automatically carry Ryou to the medics. I met the medics at the door who had impatiently opened the door without my consent.

I nodded in acknowledgment to the doctors as I reluctantly gave up Ryou to the stretcher. Apparently one of the doctors had seen my hesitation as he led me to sit next to Ryou in the ambulance and said, "It'll be all right Mr. Bakura." But I highly doubted his forced words of assurance.

I leaned my elbows on my knees as I stared into Ryou's motionless expression. As medics began to look for a pulse, I felt unwanted tears well up in my eyes. I blinked them away, but my feelings were left unchanged. I remembered the recent quarrel I had with Ryou. Again, he nagged me about my preference to socially drink every weekend. 

As the doctors found a pulse, they examined his wrist wounds and began to check if his veins had collapsed or not. Before, Ryou had gotten so enraged at me, that he slit his wrists. That time wasn't as serious. I suppose it was meant as a warning. So I began to pay more attention to him after that. But the absence of alcohol in my system began to catch up with me. Little by little, I made my way back to the bar again. Before I know it, I'm here wondering if Ryou is ever going to open his eyes again. 

The medics were frantically covering his cuts and inserting an IV in his arm. The heart monitor was beating too fast, I wonder if Ryou really did himself in this time. I knew I should've changed my ways. But procrastination and lying are always so damn tempting. Of course, my trips to the local bar always had reasons, which were brought on by Ryou. And when I'd manage to stumble home, my drunken anger would take control of my fists and land them with much force onto Ryou. Now once I was sober enough to reflect on what I did, I would immediately beg for forgiveness. And being Ryou, he would always forgive me. It was like a weekly ritual. But apparently Ryou grew a backbone and stood up against me. And I respect that, for I will always love him, it's just me who's screwing this up for the both of us. 

The ambulance pulled into the emergency wing of the hospital. The medics rushed Ryou into the building as I was as well. I can't let him die because of me. I have to change, for Ryou.

[ I know by that look that I see in your eye

I won't stand around and I won't watch you die

From what you do ]

_* Next Day *_

I had stayed up into the early morning until the doctor finally convinced me to sleep. But even then I was reluctant to do so for I wanted to be the first Ryou sees when he wakes. But I soon woke to realize that my wish was denied. 

I awoke to the view of Ryou sitting up on the hospital bed staring out the window. I blinked and rubbed my eyes to make myself aware that I wasn't still dreaming. "R - Ryou?" My morning voice miraculously stuttered out.

I saw his body tense, but it wasn't long before he relaxed and turned toward me. "Yes?" He asked softly.

For a moment I just gazed into his eyes. His face held indifference and a bit of hostility. I wanted to go hide in a corner for Ryou's stare didn't require words to tell me how he felt right now. I knew he hated me and I know I deserve it. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

****

Ryou's POV

"I'm sure you are." I replied with cold sarcasm. I watched as my words filtered through Bakura's mind and his expression turn to what could be passed as sorrow. I didn't buy it. He always does this to me. He thinks that his apologies fix everything, but it never has. He just repeats the same mistakes over and over again.

"Ryou, why did you do it?" He asked. 

"Why do you think?" Why was he even bothering asking this question? He knows the answer as well as I do. I tell him how his drinking affects him and everyone around him, including me. But he obviously doesn't care, or else he wouldn't be going out to drink right after out last heated argument. He just doesn't understand.

He sighed as stood up against the wall. "Ryou, I - I know that you don't like how I solve my problems, but you can't just kill yourself over it."

"You are killing yourself by drinking you problems away. Do you even care about what happens to those in your life because of what you do? You're not only hurting your friends, you're hurting me." I said this as I stared at Bakura's face. Sometimes, if I concentrate enough, I can almost read his thoughts or at least his feelings.

"Ryou, you have to understand ---"

"I'm sick of being the understanding one while you waste your life away on alcohol. You don't understand, so why should I?" And what I said was all true. I'm so sick of being the forgiving one. None of this was my fault and for a while I always let Bakura's addiction slide. I thought he was just hanging out with his friends, but it got out of control. He would go to the bar just to get away from me. He said I was the most annoying person in the world an then he'd leave. When he'd come back, I wouldn't talk to him in fear of what he'd say. But that was my mistake. He'd beat me until blood covered every inch of me then he'd laugh in my face. I was truly scared of him. When he got up the next morning, he'd annoy the hell out of me until I forgave him. The truth is I forgave him because I was afraid he'd beat me up again if I didn't.

"Ryou, please, I love you. I need you with me. I don't know why I have this addiction, but I need you to help me. I know I deserve your distrust, but I'm willing to change for you. I - I didn't know how serious this was until I had all those hours wondering if you'll ever wake again and how this was all my fault. Please ---"

He probably only wanted me to wake up because he doesn't have anyone else to use as a punching bag. He doesn't mean what he's saying now. I know it. "Why should I? After all the pain you put me though. You never think twice about this all do you? You just got yourself addicted as an excuse for this. You're sick." I paused, sneaking a glance at Bakura and I was indeed surprised to see tears streaming down his face. Bakura doesn't cry, I told myself. So what the hell was happening right now?

"I'm so sorry." he whispered almost inaudibly.

A doctor entered the room to check up on me and see if the blood transfusion worked and if I was ready to check out.

I doubt Bakura is being sincere. He had so much time about how to get through to me, and I think he resorted to crying. I watched the doctor check my bandages. I wonder if I should ask the doctor to be a witness to his apology. Maybe then he would keep his word.

[ Now that you did this

You ask for forgiveness

Doctor could you be my priest ]

"Um, do you suppose I could check out today?" I asked quietly to the doctor. 

He looked at me skeptically. "You are still in a horrible state, Ryou. Your wounds are still healing and we need to keep an eye on you for the next week."

I can't stay here for very much longer. I hate it here. I can' t do anything without everyone looking at me. Think Ryou, think. "Bakura-san will be at my house to watch me. He can call you from time to time to let you know how I'm doing."

At my words, I saw Bakura snap his head up in confused happiness. I know I'm giving him too many chances, but I still love him. We may fight often, but I don't think I could live without him. 

"Well --- I suppose. As long as nothing gets out of hand. I'll be right back with printed instructions for you, Bakura." And he rushed out the door.

"R - Ryou --- I ---" Bakura stuttered.

"Bakura, I can' t believe I'm giving you another chance. But, I'm serious about this."

"And so am I. I'll try my hardest Ryou, just for you." He quickly answered then added, "I can't lose you."

I watched Bakura closely as he said his apologies. I was watching for any sign that he was lying, but none were evident. Could he be telling the truth? Does he really mean it?

"I know I have done this many times before," he stated, "but I didn't realize what would happen because of my addiction. I - I was just trying to have fun, I didn't think I would be having fun at the expense of your life. I assure you I won't do it again." Bakura said hopefully.

"Yeah, we can only hope." I mumbled to myself as I went on reminiscing the past and how Bakura says it was just a misjudgment on his part. But then again, he sure conveniently made a 'mistake' and is so willing to apologize. He went from downcast to a giddy laughing idiot. 

[ You say you're mistaken

But look what you've taken 

You laugh as you lie through your teeth

From what you do, because of you ]

_* Next Morning *_

****

Bakura's POV

After I checked Ryou out of the hospital, I made him go straight to bed. I began to clean the house, cook food, and anything to cater to Ryou. I needed to prove to him that I am true to my word. And I don't want him stressing out over stuff, so I'll make sure there's nothing for Ryou to worry about.

I had thought that Ryou was just making excuses to keep me from the bar. Ever since our relationship got difficult, I began to neglect Ryou. I told him that he was just being an asshole and that if he was going to keep bitching about what I do, that I'll leave and not think twice.

Could that have been it?

[ You know I can't be there 

Each time that you call

I swore not to come

But I'm here after all ]

I sighed and sat on the edge of Ryou's bed as he slept. Now that I think of it, I could've seen that this was going to happen. Ryou would always sulk in his room after our fights and was all depressed. I would always read his mind on impulse, and I saw his thoughts of suicide. But his contradicting reasoning in his mind made me assured that he would never try anything like that.

How could I have missed all those little signs from him? Was it because I was so induced in my regular drinking?

I looked down at Ryou and stared at his angelic face while he slept. Damnit, if I had only paid more attention. If I wasn't so stupid ----

Ryou stirred in his sleep and groaned slightly. I hovered over Ryou and kissed him softly, trying to calm him down in whatever he was dreaming of right now. I will never understand why I made those decisions that almost killed the one I love so much. All I know is that I can't let it happen ever again.

[ I know by that look that I see in your eye

I won't stand around and I won't watch you die 

From what you do

From what you do ]

_* Next Week *_

****

Bakura's POV

It's been a week now and so far everything has been going well. That is, except for me.

Ryou has been the happiest I have ever seen him. He is still recovering, but at least he is not in a critical condition.

I have not been able to sleep for the past week, so I sit at the edge of Ryou's bed and watch him through out the night and think to keep myself busy. The reason for my sleeplessness is withdrawal. I can't stand it. I catch myself reaching for my coat about to leave for the bar. It's insane!

So I have decided to stay awake for the sake that I don't sleepwalk to the bar. I can't afford to lose Ryou. He wouldn't understand if I went to the bar just for one drink. He'd think I left him again. I will not make the same mistake again.

If only I could go back in time and change everything.

I stared down at Ryou as he slept. I think it's safe to say I have memorized his face by now, after all the nights watching him sleep. The only thing I don't understand is why he's always having some sort of nightmare every night. Every night he begins tossing and turning screaming non-coherent words and twitching his arms out like he's trying to get something. By the end of the night, he's soaked in sweat and his hair sticking to his face.

Ryou turned over in his sleep. By the morning I would always end up getting under the covers with him in my arms to reassure him that he's only dreaming and that everything is all right. It seems to calm him down a lot.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I stand the absence of my old drinks in my system? 

I sighed and glanced at the clock. It was only midnight. Ryou would be asleep for another seven to eight hours. I thought over a plan in my mind. That's enough time to get something to drink, talk around and even get back home in time for Ryou to wake up and see me there.

I slowly rose up and watched Ryou careful to make sure I didn't wake him. When I was assured of this, I kissed Ryou chastely and left to the bar.

_* Two hours later *_

****

Ryou's POV

I woke with my hair sticking to my sweat soaked face. Again, I had the nightmare. I know it's not true, but it seems all real. Bakura wouldn't leave me, I told myself. He promised he wouldn't.

Yet, the vivid pictures of my nightmare flashed before my eyes. Bakura and I had a fight again, in my dream, and he threatened to leave forever. I tried to keep him from leaving, but he pushed me away and punched me. I was so upset. The only thing different in my nightmare was that tonight it ended with Bakura leaving. Bakura always ended up in my arms and he'd say he was sorry----

I shook my head. It wasn't real.

Then again, where's Bakura? I know how he couldn't sleep and how he lay by my side at night. So where is he?

"Bakura!" I screamed so if that he was in the house, he would've heard it. 

No answer.

"Bakura?" I whispered, unable to believe it.

He left.

I just sat there in bed, trying to comprehend it all. Was my dream true? Did this end differently than all the other times, with Bakura actually leaving?

What did I do wrong? It was all going so well, Bakura hasn't even had a drink in a week. He hasn't even landed a hand on me unless it was to brush my hair away from my face and kiss away my fears.

I brought my knees up to my chin and cried softly to myself. I let myself down again. I thought he would change. How did I get so fooled by his lies?

I stared out the window and watched the rain hit the pavement, windows, and roofs across the neighborhood hard, making a free style beat. The lightening lit up the street and I could see the trees swaying in the wind and water dripping down the numerous leaves still clinging for life on the branches.

I have set myself up for this. I shouldn't have let him get to me. I thought his tears were real, I thought his words were real, I thought his love for me was real. But it was all a lie. 

Only five minutes, and the confusion mixed with anger feeling of mine has returned.

I got up and walked to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face, hoping that I was just stuck in another nightmare and that I'll soon wake up from it in Bakura's arms.

But the cold water only revealed the harsh reality of my life.

With melancholy thoughts of regret flowing through my mind, a bright light caught my attention. It was the razor I have been familiar with.

****

Bakura's POV

It was only 2:30, so I still had time for one more beer and I'll return to Ryou.

The minute I felt the smooth liquid hit my lips and tastebuds, I was relieved. Yet, something about it wasn't right. The alcohol wasn't bad, maybe it was just my anxiety about Ryou. So I put that thought to the side.

I stared out the window as Malik and Marik were talking away. Damn, I'll have to borrow a trench coat so when I get home, it's not obvious I was outside. Ra damned storm. My thoughts were jolted by a vaguely familiar pain in my chest.

I immediately stood up, looking around, hoping the pain was due to someone near me. But it wasn't, for the pain came back again almost causing me to double over. Fuck, he woke up.

****

Ryou's POV

I reopened the wounds on my wrist and sliced deeper cuts parallel to my old cuts. This time is it. I don't want to live anymore if this is the kind of shit I have to deal with on a daily basis. I don't want to hear Bakura's lies and be deceived by him. I won't put up with it anymore.

[Hands on the mirror 

Can't get much clearer

Can't make this all go away]

I watched the blood run down my arms through the mirror as my expression turned into somewhat of a smile. I know how this goes. I've been through this before. But I don't need to lock the door this time. Bakura is probably so drunk that he doesn't even know I exist.

I fell to the ground and hit my head, but it didn't matter. It was all going to end. The pain was nothing. No more hospital, no more lies, no more let downs, no more Bakura.

Maybe when I die, the Bakura I thought who loved me will be there, wherever I end up. And there we will share the rest of our death together. I will forever be content and have what I have always wanted. To be loved.

[Now that you're bleeding 

You stare at the ceiling 

And watch as it all fades away

From what you do, because of you]

****

Bakura's POV

I ran through the rain even though the water droplets pelted my skin as if they were each tiny little arrows. But the rain didn't stop me one bit.

Why did he have to wake up? Of all the times I have stood there and watched him throughout the night, he never once woke up.

The door was still unlocked as I had kept it and I wasted no time in getting to Ryou. This is all my fault. Why did I have to do it? Why did I cave in?

[ You know I can't be there

Each time that you call

I swore not to come

But I'm here after all ]

The lightening provided the room with a flash of light. And that's all I needed. His face was paler than I have ever seen it and he was literally lying in a pool of his blood.

I dropped to my knees and felt tears pour out. I couldn't help it, I can't handle seeing Ryou like this. "R - Ryou -----" I choked out. "Don't leave me ---- please -----"

****

Ryou's POV

I could hear a distant voice calling to me and at each word, it got closer. I know who it is now, and I don't even have the energy to respond, but I find the strength to do so anyway.

"You say these things ----" I gulped for air. " ---- but you don't mean them. I know who you are, you lied to me and left me. So now ---" I gasped for my breath again. " ---- I am leaving you."

I felt my weight shift as I figured that he picked me up. Somehow my clothes were soaked. But how? This is all so confusing right now. I didn't go out in the rain ----

I loathed knowing I was in his arms while he did his whole crying ordeal. It was getting on my nerves. I want it all end now.

****

Bakura's POV

I watched as Ryou's head lifelessly turned to the other side as I picked him up. "No ---" I started panicking.

[ I know by that look that I see in your eye

I won't stand around and I won't watch you die

From what you do ]

"Ryou, you can't leave me, I love you so much! I can't lose you! I tried to keep my promise. I did really well too, I fought temptation a whole week, just for you. But I'm not as strong as you are. I have an addiction that I am trying to break and I think that I'll be able to stop totally in the next month if I have you with me."

I saw through the lights of the storm that Ryou was staying still. His blood dripped down my body and to the floor. This can't be happening.

"Ryou, please!" I managed to say through the lump in my throat. "I can't have you die in my hands like this. It --- it's ---- it's not fair!" I paused, trying to calm myself down. "I have another addiction too. But I think you would see it in a positive aspect rather than shun me because of it."

I took a second to breath and stare at Ryou's motionless body in my arms. "It's an addiction to you. It's like I can't even breathe without you. I come home from a bad day and to just see you makes me smile. I know I sound stupid, but I need you and can not live without you. I - I - I need you to be alive. If you try Ryou, I promise you on the stubborn love we have for each other that I will try too." I hugged Ryou closer to me and prayed to all the gods for his eyes to open and answer me. "Please ----"

[ From what you do because of you ]

I felt something grip my shoulder suddenly. Looking over, I saw it was Ryou's hand. "Ryou! Ryou, please, don't go ----"

Ryou's eyes didn't open, but I saw tears forming by the corners of his eyes. "Bakura ----"

My heart skipped a beat knowing he was alive. "Ryou, I'm ---"

"Bakura, am I still alive?" He asked, interrupting me.

"Yes, you are." I said as I clutched Ryou's blood soaked clothes and tried to bring him closer to me. 

****

Ryou's POV

I had heard every word he said, and I slowly began to believe him. I would feel the same way if I was in his situation. I just wish, for once, that he was being true to his word. 

My insides were shaking and I had the worst headache ever. I just wanted someone to take the pain away. Even if it was Bakura, it was comforting. I had never gotten this far in dying before. I hate the pain. Maybe I want to live.

"B - Bakura ----- take the p - pain away -----" I stuttered out.

I could feel his warm body against mine, making me feel a bit better. I relaxed into his arms and let my tears flow out. "I - I'm sorry. I - I - I want to live. I have been too oblivious to the facts around me. T - this isn't the way I want to d - die. I want t - to ----" I took in a deep breath. It was getting harder for me to breathe, let alone think. "I want to lie. With you."

He didn't respond. But that's okay, I know he heard me.

Now I can start my life over with Bakura and make everything the way it's supposed to be. No more fights, no more crying, no more pain and suffering.

I tried to open my eyes, but the bathroom light must've been too bright for me. The light penetrated through my eyelids and made me squint to try and see.

I finally gave up on trying to see at the moment. All that matters now is that I am now with Bakura and the pain is gone. The weightlessness feeling of being in his arms made me smile to myself. No more pain and suffering.

****

Bakura's POV

His words made me burst with so much emotion that I couldn't even form words, let alone keep one thought for more than one second.

For the last minute, though, his breathing was getting more labored and to the point where it looked as if he wasn't breathing at all. I lowered my head to his and kissed him softly. "Everything is going to change now, Ryou. We can live in peace now."

Lightening struck again and the light lit up the room displaying Ryou's pale face. Paler than ever. "Ryou?" I watched his head effortlessly turn away from me. Too effortlessly.

I turned his head toward me and stood in awe as reality sunk in. He _wasn't _breathing. He had too much of a blood loss. My tears mixed with his blood as Ryou's blood dripped from my fingertips.

He's dead.

I dropped to my knees with Ryou still in my arms in disbelief. How did this just happen? His last words were those that were content. He wished to live. Everything was going to be great. He was going to recover and we were going to sleep in each other's arms every night with no bitter feelings. 

But he died anyway.

His hair hung across his closed eyes and tears still soaked his face. It's all my fault, I thought to myself. I put him through so much hell that even though in his last minutes of delirium he wanted to live, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stand it one more time. No matter how hard I tried, I made it worse. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe he deserved peace and I deserved to have my heart broken.

I sat in the deafening silence of the night with Ryou still in my arms as the storm seemed to lift.

"Wait for me Ryou."

_A/N: Wasn't that sad?? *tear, tear* Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Pllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeee review. And if you could, teel others to read it. If I get enough reviews, once in a while, I'll post a new chapter thanking everyone. Ok? Now, press that little button below that says REVIEW!!!_


	2. thank you

I want to thank you all for reviewing. I know some of you want another chapter and I'm sorry to disappoint you....but this story is only a one timer! ^_^ anyway, I want to say that I am currently working on a new fanfic called Pleasing Master Kaiba which is between seto and joey. It's a little slow in the beginning, but I think it'll turn out good. Well, please watch for the new fanfictions and when I update. 


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